Authentically Nita

Hey ladies, Valentine's Day is just around the corner and while it's supposed to be a day of love, a lot of times it ends up being all about us. This is the one holiday that can seem a bit one-sided. So let me remind you; men want to feel loved and appreciated too! You don't have to go all-out with grand gestures, but here are five great gift ideas that will make Valentine's Day feel special for him too! 1. Buy, or pre-order a game he has been wanting, or get him a gift card. This is going to tell him two things. The first thing it will tell him is that you are paying attention to his interests. The second is that you put thought and effort into his gift. If your man is not a video gamer, then get him a gift card to his favorite place. This could be anything from a coffee shop he visits every morning, to a gift card for playing golf. It's all about showing you pay attention and you care. 2. Plan a day out doing something he loves Valentine's Day doesn't have...

Photo by: Ketut Subiyanto What makes two people compatible? Is it mutual physical attraction? Is it sex? Is it that you like the same things, like  pizza and basketball? Dictionary.com defines, 'compatibility' as the natural ability to live or work together in harmony because of well-matched characteristics." And according to Scott Petullo of Mystic Twins, "innate compatibility isn’t something you make, but something two people naturally possess." This would mean that true compatibility isn't something you can choose, and it isn't a matter of a couple working hard to make their differences bearable. Instead, true compatibility occurs naturally and you either have it, or you don't. So, how do you know if you're compatible with someone? Below is a list of six factors that exist when you and your partner are compatible. 1. You're physically attracted to each other - Physical attraction is what typically starts the connection between two people. ...

What to do when you're feeling confused. Photo by Felipe Cespedes Love is not a decision. Love is a feeling. The feeling is either there, or it isn't. You know from the beginning, because you feel it from the beginning. You also know if the feeling is mutual. However, what we do sometimes, is ignore the signs that tell us that despite how we feel about him, he doesn't feel the same way. We then kind of waste our own time believing that there is something there, that simply isn't. The truth is, if he loved you, you would know. There would be no confusion, and no doubt. If you find yourself in a situation where you are doubting where it's going and you're not sure if he's feels the same way about you, I recommend asking him directly, "Where is this going? Do you see us working out long term?" If he is unsure, or does not give you a direct answer, then you know what it is. You need to walk away from that situation. Before I get into why, I want to ...

A few months ago, I posted a question on Facebook and Instagram, What do men want? Let's take a look at the answers I received: Traditional answers: The first two responses that I received are listed below. I've heard this from a lot of men over the years, so I don't think it's anything new or surprising. These men want to lead their family and they want a woman who allows them to do that. If you ask Google, 'Should a man lead the relationship?' it will tell you, "a man's role in a relationship is to lead." Then it will list a bunch of articles about why men should lead the relationship and why you should let them. I guess it's only natural that men want to lead because society teaches us that this is the way a relationship is run. I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm just making the point that men want to lead because that's what they've been taught. Likewise, many women prefer that the man leads the relationship be...

Are you confused about his intentions? How do you know if he's filling time with you or taking you seriously?  There are a number of signs that will let you know if he plans to take things further, or if he's not. Here are 10 signs to give you a hint:  1. He's inconsistent - If he's not seeing you regularly or there is limited conversation, then he's not really interested in you. Inconsistency with his dates or attention shows a lack of interest.  2. He doesn't like labels - This is want guys tell you when they don't want you to be there girlfriend. Trust me, when he finds the one he wants, he will put a label on it. 3. He hasn't discussed exclusivity - If he hasn't ever brought up monogomy he's not into you. I man who is into you, is not going to want to share you and he'll discuss being exclusive.  4. He told you he doesn't want anything serious - He means with you.  5. He doesn't laugh at your jokes - Someone who is into you usual...

We live in a society where finding the "perfect" romantic partner is highly valued. From social media to movies to television we are bombarded with messages about what love should look like, what we should expect from our relationships, and what it implies if our relationship does not meet those standards. Reality looks different from those love stories that we see and hear all around us. However, most people still go into a relationship with a preconceived idea about how they’ll be treated. Usually our expectations are positive and hopeful. But social media specifically, can contribute to unhealthy comparison and unrealistic expectations for what a relationship is supposed to be like. Your relationship won't meet your expectations if your expectations are unrealistic.   In most relationships we expect honesty, trust, affection, loyalty, kindness, and respect. These are realistic expectations and the foundation of a healthy relationship. Having standards isn't wrong. ...

So you've been seeing this really great guy. You have the same sense of humor. You have a lot in common. You enjoy being around him and you're together all the time. He even calls you baby and gives you kisses on your forehead. Only problem is, he hasn't introduced you to his friends or family yet. He doesn't post you on his social media. He rushes you off the phone when he's around other people. Why is he hiding you? When you ask him he might tell you that he's a private person, that he doesn't like people in his business, or that he's not ready to "go public." This is not a good sign. There is a clear difference between a low-key relationship and keeping you a secret. Any relationship that has to be hidden is a problem.  Here are a few reasons he may be keeping you a secret (and none of them are good). 1. He's married or has another girlfriend This is the number one reason for a man to keep his relationship with you under wraps. Chances a...

I remember being cheated on. I remember catching him red handed and listening as he denied the whole thing. I remember wondering if the other woman knew he was married. Odds are, she probably did. I didn't understand it and the truth is, I didn't need to. I just needed to remove myself from the situation. My ex was careless in his cheating. After my experience I began watching how men & women cheat. Cousins, friends, co-workers - it seems that everyone has a "Sneaky Link" or a "Secret Bae." And although the memes would have you thinking otherwise, it's not cute. But still, it's interesting. So here are some of the best tips I've learned on how to cheat without getting caught:  1. Let the person you are cheating with know that you are already married, or in a relationship. Have this conversation with the person from the beginning so they know their role, and so that you can establish boundaries. Be clear that you will not be leaving your spou...

  We've all probably seen our share of messy break-ups online, in our friend circles or within our family. I think I have personally had a good three messy break-ups though none have been as messy as my divorce. We constantly argued. We kept taking each other's calls. We posted on social media. We talked to each other's friends/family members about the other person. We blocked and unblocked each other. There was so much drama and it lasted for a long time. I've learned from my mistakes and while I know there is no way to guarantee a smooth break-up I've compiled a list of what I think will help reduce your chances of having a messy break-up. 1.  Make sure its what you really want. 2. Think about what you're going to say. 3. Don't play the blame game! 4. Be brutally honest. 5. Understand that you cannot control the other person's reaction. 6. Do not post about it on social media. 7. Do not have conversations with your ex about what went wrong and if you c...

  I do not regret my divorce. I believe wholeheartedly that it was necessary. However, if I could have avoided it, I would have. I think it's best for people to explore other options before getting divorced. You can try marital counseling, taking time apart, or even an open marriage. If there is no abuse in the home, divorce should be your last option. Here's why: 1. It's ugly - You may start off thinking you and your ex would never engage in crazy, toxic behavior. Then at some point you get hit by negative angry emotions from your Ex. Emotions will be high. Expect conflict. 2. It hurts - Even when it’s necessary, divorce still hurts. You're walking away from something you spent years building, and that's not easy. It hurts both spouses and it hurts the children. 3. It takes time - Divorce is usually a long process. Even when both parties agree to the divorce, and there’s nothing to fight over, it can still end up being a 1 - 2 year process. 4. Divorce doesn't e...

Do you know what it's like to lay in someone's arms and feel completely empty? To have their body wrapped around yours, naked, skin touching, breathe on your neck, arms holding you so tight it feels as if they were meant to never let you go. I lose myself in the forehead kisses and the brushing of my hair behind my ears. In the soft whispers and the morning smiles. I lose myself most of the time. But sometimes, I just lay there wrapped in his naked body wondering if he holds everyone like this. Wondering why I keep coming back. Knowing, that I'll come back again.  *Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

I literally had to grieve my divorce.  The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, letting go and acceptance. I have gone through each one of these stages. I had to remove someone from my life that had been part of it for sixteen years. I met him when I was 22 and my divorce was finalized when I was 38. The relationship had ended years before the divorce, but it took me a long time to accept it. I was gone mentally, long before I had physically picked up my things and drove off. I was hurt. I was sad. I was angry. I couldn’t understand how HE could do the things he did to me. The one person who was supposed to love me unconditionally broke me down bit-by-bit until I didn’t even understand why I was living. I didn’t understand why I was suffering. I didn’t understand why God put me in that place. I was angry with God. I felt myself breaking down and it was getting hard to pretend that everything was normal. I hated going home. I worked late and went into the office early when...

I knew it.  All the signs were there.  This man flipped the script so fast!  We were just in love and planning on starting our business so we could really build something.   Ex had enrolled in school and began classes.  Soon after, he started going out without me.  He was staying out really late.  At family events he sat in a corner with his face in his phone texting and smiling instead of talking with the guys.  I wasn't stupid.  I confronted him and he denied any wrong doing.  I waited up for him so many nights.  The bars closed at 2:00 am.  Sometimes he didn't make it home until 5 or 6.  He said he was at the "after hour."  I called him a liar.  I argued with him every day.  I bitched and yelled, and he wouldn't tell me the truth.  I tried talking and reasoning with him, but he wouldn't tell me the truth.  I had to find out on my own.  So I did.  After only three months...

In my novella, "The Story of Ex," I write about a woman changing herself to keep her partner happy.  I, myself, have done that in more than one of my relationships.  That was wrong.  You should never have to change who you are to keep your partner happy.  If that person loves you he/she is going to love you as you are. You don't fall in love with someone while having a list of things you want them to change in the back of your mind.  That's not love.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't change some of your behaviors, or compromise with your partner.  You can change your behaviors to improve yourself and your relationship without changing yourself.  For example, if one of the partners in a relationship drinks a lot, and their significant other is like, "You're drinking way too much.  I worry about if you'll make it home driving. It's affecting our children and our finances."  That is a behavior that a person should change for the betterment...

Sometimes I think Ex loved me more than I loved myself.  He loved me so much that he put me on a pedestal and held me to a higher standard. There were so many things that I was supposed to be.  Pretty but humble, kind-hearted but unyielding, well kept but natural, conservative but open-minded, reserved but out-going, strong but soft, cordial but not too friendly.  It was almost impossible and quite draining to keep up with.  Still, I was determined to keep it up.  Ex thought more highly of me than I thought of myself and I wanted to be everything he thought I was.  So I did....or at least, I tried. Sometimes I was too friendly or didn't say the right thing.  Other times I held back too much and came off as awkward.  It was a little nerve-racking to not know when I should or shouldn't speak to someone.  Normally, I would just speak to store clerks to be polite.  Now, I needed to make sure I wasn't being, "joe."  It really wasn't...

I feel compelled to fill you in on what happened to change me as a person and stop me from writing for so long.  It has been a long journey and I think you will understand me more if I explain. Let me tell you about my marriage... I met Ex long before we got married.  We married in 2011 in a very rushed ceremony while he was on house arrest fighting a case. (He was later aquitted of all charges). You will never hear me say that I did not love my ex-husband. I loved that man. From the moment I met him, I felt like no one else on the planet understood me the way he did. The night we met, we sat on bar stools next to each other and talked for an hour and a half. We talked like we had been friends for years. We talked about life and family, about current events and politics and about music and movies. I wondered why I had not met him sooner. I was 22. Now, here I was, at age 30, feeling doubt in my heart while standing at the alter holding his hands. The doubt was not from me thin...

This afternoon I experienced the scariest moment of my life. My son was missing. His sister had detention & he tried to take the subway & bus home by himself (this was at 3:30pm). He got lost. By 7pm we still could not find him. I felt my heart sink & it became hard to breathe. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know if he was scared, or safe, or hurt. Then at 7:06 Tim got a text saying our son was home. I was so relieved I started crying. Reed was crying too, and he was scared, but he wasn't hurt. My son was missing for 3 and a half hours and it was the worst thing I've ever felt in my life. That being said, I am asking again that everyone share this link. This is our niece, Puff. Her real name is Janteyl and she disappeared in Feb. of 2010. Everyday her mother, father, sister and brother wake up with a piece of them missing. We all do as family, but I'm sure they feel it most. Her parents have missed; the birth of her first child, her pro...