Authentically Nita

I knew it.  All the signs were there.  This man flipped the script so fast!  We were just in love and planning on starting our business so we could really build something.   Ex had enrolled in school and began classes.  Soon after, he started going out without me.  He was staying out really late.  At family events he sat in a corner with his face in his phone texting and smiling instead of talking with the guys.  I wasn't stupid.  I confronted him and he denied any wrong doing.  I waited up for him so many nights.  The bars closed at 2:00 am.  Sometimes he didn't make it home until 5 or 6.  He said he was at the "after hour."  I called him a liar.  I argued with him every day.  I bitched and yelled, and he wouldn't tell me the truth.  I tried talking and reasoning with him, but he wouldn't tell me the truth.  I had to find out on my own.  So I did.  After only three months...

Sometimes I think Ex loved me more than I loved myself.  He loved me so much that he put me on a pedestal and held me to a higher standard. There were so many things that I was supposed to be.  Pretty but humble, kind-hearted but unyielding, well kept but natural, conservative but open-minded, reserved but out-going, strong but soft, cordial but not too friendly.  It was almost impossible and quite draining to keep up with.  Still, I was determined to keep it up.  Ex thought more highly of me than I thought of myself and I wanted to be everything he thought I was.  So I did....or at least, I tried. Sometimes I was too friendly or didn't say the right thing.  Other times I held back too much and came off as awkward.  It was a little nerve-racking to not know when I should or shouldn't speak to someone.  Normally, I would just speak to store clerks to be polite.  Now, I needed to make sure I wasn't being, "joe."  It really wasn't...

He uses alcohol to cover his pain. Unsure of how to sustain He lays down his troubles With me, And I provide him with a soft touch. Nothing much, But just enough To ease his mind. Enough to relax him To help him unwind. And he tells me of his sorrows. How he wishes there were no tomorrow. He doesn’t know his beauty Or his worth. So I provide him comforting words. Nothing much Just what should be heard To ease his mind. My eyes meet his and we finally kiss. Racing hearts, now exist. He doesn’t know if he should Go further. So I provide him reassurance Nothing much, But it gives him a chance To ease his mind. It helps him relax As our bodies entwine. Then within him all the anguish sleeps. While inside me, I can feel him deep. He was so in need of being wanted And set free. So I provided him this simple crutch It’s nothing much, But just enough To ease his mind. Enough to relax him And help him unwind. by  Juanita Harris Published in R.I.P. - Rejection, Inspiration & Peace

Look at them in pity. Look at them in shame. Wonder why their life’s a mess, Wonder who’s to blame. Wonder if it really works, Their method for masking pain. Hide it all momentarily. Fuck the clarity! They get lifted, Vision shifted, Feeling gifted, For a moment in time. With each hit it’s like rewind Spinning their minds Into another place. Smiles on their faces Leave no traces Of reality. They have a way of escaping But not me. Not me. Lonely heart, Hungry mind, Misplaced anger, Running out of time. Stopping To watch her buy a dime. Belly full with baby But that’s not on her mind As she gets lifted And takes a magical ride Trying to mask what’s inside. And when the crack pipe no longer blazes, She sits Wide eyes gazing. In a zone Reality gone Feeling thankful for the white stone. Vision shifted, She’s so lifted. She’s hiding from reality, But not me. Not me. Lonely Heart, Hungry mind, Misplaced anger, Running out of time. Stopping As I approach my home. Uncle off in his zone. TV gone...

Way back in 1776 the Continental Congress voted in favor of its independence from England. Two days later on July 4th, the 13 colonies adopted the Declaration of Independence which states: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, THAT THEY ARE ENDOWED BY THEIR CREATER WITH CERTAIN UNALIENABLE RIGHTS, THAT AMONG THESE ARE LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS." With stolen land and free labor white supremacists built the very system that we still use today. People of African decent were not considered to be American citizens. We were property. Natives were killed and forced into small areas; their kids taken and put into orphanages where they cut off their hair and abused them. White women couldn't vote, work or inherit any of their family's estate. The only people who had inalienable rights in this country were white men. People: It is 244 years later and many Americans are still fighting for their basic God given rights!  🔸The r...

This Sunday's poem is one that I wrote, because I needed to turn in something for school. I'm not really feeling this one, but maybe someone else will. I'm also not promoting bad eating habits, even though it sounds like I am.... Joy Pie Written by Juanita Harris (c) 2011 Serve me up some Joy Pie Filled with smiles and glee Crust as golden as the sun And sweet as sweet can be. It'll be yummy to my tiny tummy As I'm gulping away the jeers. Tasty pastries are the best way To wash away the tears. So give me Blueberry Custard, Lemon Meringue Southern Pecan or Chocolate Cream, And some Apple Turnovers Busting at the seams! They melt in my mouth Mmmmm, yum yum yum! I promised myself That I'd eat only one, But here I am licking another plate clean Of cheery Cherry Pie Letting go of the sadness And telling my troubles,"good-by!" Life's problems Are sometimes hard to swallow So I'll smother the drama with sugar And ho...

On November thirteenth Two thousand six I took my child to see the doctor I thought she was just sick. Blood was taken for a test I never asked, "why?" Within in minutes I was told "Your child's glucose level is too high." "You must go to the main hospital Quickly, for tests Take these referrals with you And I wish you the best." I drove to the emergency room With the referrals on my lap Smiled at my daughter through the rear-view mirror She was bobbing her head & eating a snack. The radio was playing And I had no idea what lie ahead Endocrinologists, nutritionists And a one-week stay in the hospital bed. When handed a syringe I asked, "How long will this last?" The nurse replied sorrowfully, "This isn't something that will pass." Insulin injections and finger pricks Would become a part of everyday life. Hyperglycemia, Hypoglycemia Mood swings and strife. All this fell upon my little girl ...